Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question

My sister accused my uncle of inappropriate behavior, but he denied any intention of this, and nothing physical happened. My mother insists we distance ourselves, but my father and I want to maintain family ties. How should we approach this?

Answer

Thank you for your question. I empathize with your confusion in this situation and pray that your family agrees on a course of action. Keeping some distance would be precautionary unless you know your sister to be an inveterate liar.

Flock

Your parents should not take this matter lightly. They are accountable for how they reacted to this on the Day of Judgment. ‘Abdullah Ibn ‘Umar said that the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) said: “Each of you is a shepherd, and each of you is responsible for his flock. The ruler who is in charge of the people is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock. A man is the shepherd of his family and is responsible for his flock. A woman is the shepherd of her husband’s household and is responsible for her flock. A servant is the shepherd of his master’s wealth and is responsible for his flock. Each of you is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock.” [Bukhari & Muslim]

Mother’s Concern

It would be optimal to find out what truly happened, but I feel that might not be possible. Think of your mother’s and sister’s feelings and let them keep some distance from him. You and your father don’t need to cut him off completely, as the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day, let him maintain the ties of kinship.” [Bukhari]. If the truth comes to light, your father should sternly warn his brother, tell him to make tawba, and demand an apology.

Tips

You don’t want to be the cause of enabling something worse to happen between them, so it’s best that she not be alone with him, remain covered in front of him, and not speak to him unnecessarily. Remind yourself that your sister is probably telling the truth, and it’s a great blessing that it wasn’t physical. Put yourself in her shoes and imagine what kind of support you would expect from your family. Your whole family should use this time to worship Allah (Most High) together, make a habit of praying tahajjud and reading the Quran daily for guidance in all affairs.

Dua

I recommend this daily for you:

 اللَّهُمَّ اجْعَلْنا مِن التَّوَّابِينَ واجْعَلنا مِن المُتَطَهِّرينَ ،اللّهُمَّ اجْعَلْنا مِن المُحْسِنين الصّابِرينَ المُقْسِطين المُتَّقين المُتَوَكِّلِين بِرَحمَتِكَ يا ارْحَمَ الرّاحِمِين

O God, make us among those who repent and make us among those who purify themselves. O God, make us among the doers of good, the patient, the just, the pious, and those who trust in Your mercy, O Most Merciful of the Merciful.

Please see these links as well:

• My Uncle Is Sexually Attracted to My Sister. What Should We Do?
• Can I Maintain Family Ties Despite My Parents Wishes?

May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.

[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Irshaad Sedick

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin and completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.