Conflict Resolution: Awareness
This is the ninth in a series of articles on the key principles of dealing with conflict in accordance with the guidance of Allah and His Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him) from the seminar The Prophetic Principles of Conflict Resolution.
In order to follow the teachings of the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) in dealing with problems and conflicts, three important elements help us to deal with most of our problems and conflicts. The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) gives us direction.
In solving the problems of violence, anger and reaction that we have been affected with, firstly, we all need to be mindful of Allah. Our master Mu‘adh, in an authentic hadith, asked the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) for counsel and instruction. He told him to worship Allah as if you are seeing Him. One should be aware that Allah is watching and hearing. Allah says:
مَّن ذَا ٱلَّذِى يُقْرِضُ ٱللَّهَ قَرْضًا حَسَنًۭا
“Who shall be the signal one to lend Allah a gracious handsome loan.” [Quran, 2:245; tr. Keller, Quran Beheld]
Allah does not need any loan. He places Himself at the receiving end of anything good that you do. So, we are not dealing with each other, we are dealing with Allah.
Being aware of Allah is always the best way to solve our problems with each other and to resolve them. You will give for Allah and you will forgive for His sake. One should also have self-discipline, self-criticism and self-assessment. This teaches one humility. Allah says:
وَمَن يَتَّقِ ٱللَّهَ يَجْعَل لَّهُۥ مَخْرَجًۭا
“And whoever fears Allah, He grants him a way out of every plight.” [Quran, 65:2. tr; Keller, Quran Beheld]
And also:
وَیَرۡزُقۡهُ مِنۡ حَیۡثُ لَا یَحۡتَسِبُۚ
“And provides for him whence he could not even guess.” [Quran, 65:3; tr. Keller, Quran Beheld]
The most important thing that helps us with all our problems is consciousness of Allah.
Our Responsibility
Secondly, as Muslims, we need to understand our responsibility and the trust Allah gave us. Allah Most High is speaking to us, He said:
كُنتُمۡ خَیۡرَ أُمَّةٍ أُخۡرِجَتۡ لِلنَّاسِ
“You have proved the finest nation of faith ever brought forth to mankind” [Quran, 3:110; tr. Keller, Quran Beheld]
Allah did not say you are the best nation among Mankind so that you will have arrogance. You are the best nation for mankind so people have to see the good and mercy in you. People have to benefit from you.
In the hadith, when they asked the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace), “Who is the best person?” He said, “The best of people are those who benefit others.” Allah said to this nation:
وَقُولُوا۟ لِلنَّاسِ حُسْنًۭا
“And say gracious words to people.” [Quran, 2:83; tr. Keller, Quran Beheld]
And Allah said:
وَقُل لِّعِبَادِی یَقُولُوا۟ ٱلَّتِی هِیَ أَحۡسَنُۚ
“And tell My servants that they say to them what is fairer” [Quran, 17:53; tr. Keller, Quran Beheld]
Understanding our responsibility means we raise ourselves above the situation, not to look at minuscule problems. When we consider the examples that came when Lady Aisha threw the pot and the food, the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) was teaching us our responsibility for others. If you have big responsibilities you don’t look at small, small things.
The Middle Way
The third thing, and this is the most important [unclear] one as well, what Allah said about us:
وَكَذَٰلِكَ جَعَلْنَـٰكُمْ أُمَّةًۭ وَسَطًۭا
“And so too have We made you a select nation of faith.” [Quran, 2:143; tr; Keller, Quran Beheld]
The middle is not in the middle between good and bad, between right and wrong, between truth and false. The middle is the best. Generosity is in the middle between extravagance and stinginess and greed. Bravery and courage are in the middle between being careless and cowardly. Allah says:
وَلَا تَجۡعَلۡ یَدَكَ مَغۡلُولَةً إِلَىٰ عُنُقِكَ وَلَا تَبۡسُطۡهَا كُلَّ ٱلۡبَسۡطِ
“And chain not your hand to your neck out of stinginess; Nor spread it prodigally forth as far as it as it can reach.” [Quran, 17:29; tr. Keller, Quran Beheld]
وَلَا تَجۡهَرۡ بِصَلَاتِكَ
“And say not your prayer out loud.” [Quran, 17:110 tr. Keller, Quran Beheld]
Our master Umar was described as strong but not arrogant and soft but not weak. Be in the middle. This is very important, even when it comes to the middle. When the three men came to the Messenger of Allah’s house to ask our Lady Aisha about the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace), she said, “Sometimes he sleeps, sometimes he is praying at night, sometimes he fasts, and sometimes he eats.”
They thought this was very little. Their expectation was that he would never joke. Every night he is praying and every day he is fasting. But that is not what Allah has created us for and how Allah has created us.
With wisdom, we can be raised and if we follow our desires, we will be gone. We are a moderate nation. Control yourself. Be moderate. Moderation is very important. You cannot say to someone don’t be angry, because that is impossible. Do not react, but just control yourself. Even when we love people we have to be very much moderate. And when we hate people, we have to be moderate.
We are not supposed to hate but if it happens, be in the middle. The very person you think today is your enemy, tomorrow might be your friend.
